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According to psychotherapist, David Richo, PhD. one way to improve your relationship with your significant other is to set an intention to consistently give each other “The Five A’s of Love: Attention, Acceptance, Appreciation, Affection, and Allowing.”  But what about the relationship with yourself? Whether in a couple or not, we still need to give ourselves these things.  

These five aspects of love represent qualities that are essential for a child to receive from a parent or caregiver in order to feel secure and to develop a healthy sense of self. An absence of these five qualities of love and nurturing could be considered a form of childhood emotional neglect and relationship trauma. If we don’t receive a consistent, sufficient amount of the five A’s as children, we can experience anxiety, depression and shame, or go through life feeling not good enough.

Guess what? Very few people received the 5 A’s consistently or in sufficient amounts! I’ve never had a coaching or therapy client who did not need to engage in some level of self re-parenting. People always like to say, “parenting is hard.” I want to say, “Have you tried re-parenting?!”

We never outgrow the need to receive attention, acceptance, appreciation, affection, and allowing.  Giving and receiving the Five A’s of love in your romantic relationships is groovy! This can reduce stress, anxiety, depression, and help fill the void created by childhood relationship trauma. But, receiving this from someone else can never heal you or fill a void if you don’t truly love yourself.

Here’s the good news; You don’t have to sit around waiting to receive the 5 A’s from someone else! You can and should start giving them to yourself today! Because it is the child who needed and needs these things, it may be more impactful to think of your ‘self’ as your inner child and your ‘Self’ as the adult or parent. If you are already doing this then congratulations! If your relationship with yourself could use a little help, read on. Start with setting an intention to give these dimensions of love to yourself/inner child and see how you feel.

1. Attention

Notice, listen, focus and really engage with your inner child and other aspects of yourself (more on this later). Notice and hear words, feelings, experiences. Think about how your words (self-talk) and actions affect your inner child. When we give the inner child this type of attention, she feels respected, understood and that she really matters to you.

2. Acceptance

Demonstrate in your words and actions that you approve of who the inner child is as a person; her unique personality traits, her values, her choices, her lifestyle. Acceptance means appreciating differences without judgment. (Acceptance creates deeper intimacy because it demonstrates that each person can be themselves and share their thoughts, feelings and wishes without fear of rejection, ridicule or abandonment. Acceptance leads to self-confidence and a sense of security in the world.)

3. Appreciation

Express gratitude daily for who you are. Say thank you for the individual qualities that you cherish and admire. (If you have not already done so, create a list of at least 10 assets you possess.)

For example: positive attitude, a calm demeanor, taking an interest in friends and family, your talents. Notice and make a list daily of three good things you do for yourself i.e. making a healthy breakfast, getting exercise, getting a massage, spending time with supportive friends and family, tending to your spirit and any manner of self-care.

4. Affection

Affection refers not just to physical closeness but also feeling close to someone through conversation, gestures, and presence. This means really listen to and engage with your inner child. Maybe she wants to play, maybe she needs a nap, maybe she needs a treat. Any form of healthy self-care should be viewed as expressions of love for self. Affection can also be expressed via kind words, i.e. positive self-talk, affirmations. Stop being so hard on yourself! Listen to your self-talk. If it’s negative imagine saying that to an infant! Would you do that? I hope not, because that’s abuse. Think of how you have and should speak to babies, then do that!

On Sunday (which is my day of rest), I like to take a hot bath in candlelight then really take some time moisturizing. I even give myself a foot massage. Does this sound weird? Well, I love it and so does Little Nicky.

5. Allowing

Allowing means letting someone be themselves. It means giving them the freedom to do things in their own way. It means we don’t try to control or manipulate the person to make them into someone they are not naturally meant to be (sound familiar). How can you be allowing to yourself and your inner child? 1) Stop judging yourself, 2) stop comparing yourself to others, 3) stop pretending to be someone you think the world wants you to be, 4) start paying attention to your feelings and wants 5) honor those feelings, 6) be authentic!

If you struggle with giving or receiving the Five A’s, to your inner child/self your past parenting is most likely interfering. Many people did not receive “good enough” parenting. We tend to continue the job our parents started by parenting ourselves the way they parented us. Some of it was good, keep doing that. Some of it was not good, stop doing that and start employing the Five A’s today!

Stop waiting to receive this type of love from others. You can’t change the past, but you can determine what you will do today and be the beautifully powerful woman you were born to be. It takes work, but it’s so worth it!

Love,

Nicole

*Parts of above adapted from Kalpana Murthy (2012) in an article geared toward coupling. This author has adapted Richo’s 5 A’s as important aspects of self-love.

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While the holiday season can be fun, for many it is a hectic, pressure-filled time. Between gift buying, holiday guests, family, cooking and traveling, we often don’t truly get to enjoy the season. However, there is something you can do to reclaim the joy and serenity often lost during this time of year: PAWS! PAWS is an acronym to help you remember to indulge in Patience, Appreciation, Wonderment and Silence.

Patience: Long lines at the stores, traffic, travel. All of these things can conspire to steal your serenity and joy. Try an extra dose of patience. Give yourself extra time to get around and lower your expectations. Everyone seems to be in such a hurry! Rushing around not only makes you crazy but often means you are missing out on what is around you. Try to breathe and be in the moment. Instead of seeing sitting in traffic or standing in line as a waste of time, reframe your thinking. No time is wasted time when you are mindful and present. Try being where your feet are. I recommend literally looking down at your feet and becoming aware of being grounded. Patience also means being patient with yourself and others. Instead of staring daggers at the back of the person ahead of you at Starbucks with the coffee order longer than a CVS receipt, try giving a smile to someone. A little kindness can brighten the day of someone else and leave you feeling better too!

Appreciation: Another thief of joy that rears its ugly head during this time of year is comparing: looking at what others have that you don’t. Social Media doesn’t really help. People are posting images of their beautiful families, vacations, decorated homes and holiday tables. We often make the mistake of comparing our insides to the outsides of others without really knowing the full story. The other mistake we make when comparing is that we don’t do so fairly. We tend to look only at others who we see as having more. This too should be reframed. I recommend NOT comparing at all but if you are going to do so, do so fairly. You also have to include people who have far less than you. Rather than comparing, try just looking at all you have and appreciating that. Focus on all the gifts in your life and spend time appreciating them. A great tool for this is a Gratitude List. Every day think of (and perhaps write down) at least 5 things for which you are grateful. Again, slow down and look around you. You will see much to appreciate. If you want an added dose of appreciation, remember those people I mentioned above who have less than you do? Another great tool to increase your appreciation is to be of service to others. There are myriad opportunities to volunteer/be of service during the holiday season. Toy drives, coat drives and feeding folks are a few popular ones this time of year, but there are no doubt, people, right in your family or community who could use some extra help or care.

Wonderment: For many of us, when we were children, the holidays were a magical time. The colorful lights, the music, the TV shows and the presents! Do you remember when you believed in Santa Claus (if he was a part of your tradition)? We used to put cookies and milk for Santa and carrots for the reindeer on the hearth in the basement and in the morning, they were always gone! He had left fat pillow-cases of toys for my sister, brother and me! Maybe for you, church or temple was a special time. I remember magical Christmas Eve Mass, the candles, beautiful songs sung in Latin and the smell of frankincense in the air. As we get older, most people lose this sense of wonderment, but it doesn’t have to be like that. Think of what you can do to connect to the magic of the season. Maybe it’s as simple as really seeing what you are doing when decorating your home or taking a drive to enjoy the decorations in your neighborhood. Maybe you can start or resurrect a tradition. My sister and I meet for brunch and last-minute shopping every Christmas Eve. I also love visiting my favorite Christmas tree every year (see pic at right)! It stands in front of the Capitol Building here in DC and it’s beautiful (better than the National Christmas tree and no crowds). Think of something you would actually enjoy and do that thing!

Silence: Rumi said, “Live outside the tangle of fear-thinking. Live in silence.” He also said, “Listen to the silence. It has so much to say.” In many parts of the world, this time of year is Wintertime with shorter days, weaker sunlight and cold temperatures. This is also a time when animals hibernate, trees lose their leaves, fields lay dormant and there is a general slow down in nature. The forests become quiet, ponds, lakes and creeks freeze and people spend more time indoors. With all of this comes silence. And, stillness follows. The holiday season, with all its business, can still be a time to indulge in the gold that is silence. As a matter of fact, going into the silence and being still is a perfect antidote for the madness of the season. Even short periods of silence can be therapeutic. Pause, be still, breathe, listen. I find Winter the perfect time for meditation and contemplation; a good time to look inward and find the stillness. A good time to rest. Rather than rushing around, what if you were to go with the slowed-down flow of winter? Start by lowering your expectations of perfectionism. Look for or make quiet time. If even for just a moment. Try it today. Carve out a little niche for yourself in which to be still and listen to the silence. Revel in it. Tip: turn off all your noise-making devices for just five minutes a day and sit in quiet meditation. Come back and tell me what you noticed.

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After a rather intense period of activity on my heroine’s quest to achieve my Vision of Success a.k.a. working, my inner voice told me I needed a sabbatical. I was feeling fatigued and run down (both early signs of burn-out)! I was also mentally and spiritually tired because in the quest for my Vision I had been doing too much striving, which leads to dissatisfaction and unhappiness. This dynamic can become very unhealthy and dare I say, even a bit insane. Luckily when this happens I know where to turn.

The second step of Actos Procesales En Materia Penal En Venezuela‘s twelve steps states, “Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.” I needed to strengthen my spiritual connection. One way I know to strengthen my connection with my Higher Power (my Goddess) is to completely unplug from the world and get back to my Self. Given this, I decided to take a mini-sabbatical, a month-long solo retreat on Ambergris Caye, Belize! Trying not to be too ambitious (less striving return), I’ve set only one rule and four intentions for this adventure: 1) painting (because it’s something I enjoy but haven’t done any new landscapes since Levaquin Online), 2) contemplating Book III of my Buy Cialis Brand series, 3) getting my Advanced Open Water SCUBA certification and of course in between all of this 4) doing some serious chillin’ which means beach time, eating, napping etc. The rule? NO WORK ALLOWED!

Thanks for joining me on this phase of my journey! I hope you enjoy it and come back for more! This post like many of my travelogues will combine my musings, written descriptions and video compilations of the gorgeous sites and sounds as my adventure unfolds so check back every couple of days for updates and in the meantime please enjoy my first vid: “Getting Here!”

Days Zero, I and II: Recon, Grocery Shopping and Ak’Bol

I arrived Belize City late morning on Wednesday cleared customs and got on an earlier Tropic Air flight than I had scheduled headed for San Pedro. The 15-20 min flight in their little island hopper is a thrilling ride with a gorgeous view of the multi-hued Western Caribbean ocean below. I was met at the San Pedro airstrip by the driver for the house I’m staying in while on the island. Unfortunately, the first thing I noticed in his un-airconditioned mini-van taxi cab was how bloody hot and humid it is. The last time I was here was in the winter season and I immediately began to question my intelligence in choosing to come to Belize in mid-August! At first, I asked to stop to get groceries to take to the house but after a stop at a grocery store that only had Folgers and Kirland’s brand coffee, I decided to just get to the house and worry about groceries later.

Soon I found myself on a sandy “dirt road” apparently approaching the house (for privacy reasons I will insert house name and link after my sojourn). We entered the house from the beachside and after a cursory introduction to the house, the driver was gone. I stood looking around the living room kitchen area where he had unceremoniously dropped me and my luggage. It’s a lovely little 2-bedroom house. I quickly found the bedroom because I knew this was the only room with AC which was blessedly on and went and sat on the bed to collect myself. Eventually, I dragged my bags into this sanctuary from the heat and opened the bags intending to unpack. After not sleeping the previous night and a 6:00 flight this morning out of Dulles it didn’t take me long to abandon “settling in.” I conked out till the next morning!

Thursday was about recon and getting settled but the first stop was coffee. Luckily for me there is a neat little coffee shop called Stromectol Online Kaufen attached to the Daydreamin B & B across the sandy lane from my place. I also ordered what was to be my first of many breakfast sandwiches (egg, cheese, spinach and avocado in a plain bagel) and ate and drank taking in the lovely little place with its central pool which is more like a fountain in which you can swim.

After breakfast, I was off in my little golf cart, rented for the month. I headed about 5 mins north first to check out (Doxycycline For Dogs Buy Online) a place where the owner of Marbucks had told me I could swim off the pier, then south to town. After crossing the tiny Boco del Rio bridge I was officially in town. I drove down Middle Street taking in all the sites and sounds of Bactrim Prescription before turning around somewhere near the airport and heading north along Front Street which took me past the open town square where two years ago I’d danced in the New Year with my then-boyfriend. I saw the town pier and recalled sitting on it, my feet dangling above the water eating chicken and rice from a takeaway container while a spotted eagle ray glided through the water just below us. It had been relatively cool then compared to the sweltering heat in which I now found myself.

Next stop, the little grocery store on the circle in which a statue of St. Peter stands surrounded by all sorts of marine life. Provisioned up with coffee and breakfast fixings I hightailed it home to finish unpacking, shower off and lay in my air-conditioned room to cool off. I ended the day returning to Ak’Bol Yoga Resort for a very satisfying dinner taken on the sand in front of the bar while looking out at the sapphire blue Caribbean sea.

Day XIII: Having Too Much Fun to be Blogging Daily!

August 27: I’ve been on Ambergris Caye 13 days now and a few days back I realized it simply isn’t realistic for me to do a daily blog. I can’t do everything I want and relax and blog daily so instead I will write little periodic updates with the things I most want to remember and take away from this amazing trip. (I made recordings of my memories and they are transcribed below with the dates on which they were made.)

August 17: Laying outside on my deck moon bathing. I’m struck by the fact that I will probably miss the wind most of all. Moon bathing, being buffeted by the wind, watching the black palm tree dancing wildly, animated by the wind, the moonlight glistening off its fronds as they slap in the breeze imitating the sound of rain.

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August 24: Driving into my little sandy yard with my Breadfruit and Almond trees I’m struck by how much I am going to miss this little wooden house on Ambergris Caye and that there are certain things I want to remember. I want to remember today: painting all morning then going for a late lunch at Ak’Bol, the sweet taste of the stewed chicken, the first taste of coconut milk in the rice and beans hitting my taste buds, the sweet ripe fried plantain, that feeling of bliss. I want to remember laying on my back in the yoga palapa out on the water while the wind gently caressed my legs. Swimming my laps in the warm Caribbean waters then just snorkeling, playing with the large crab with one claw valiantly ready to do battle with me, painting his one good claw at me and even jumping up making a stabbing motion at me, a mammal about 100 times his size and how this made me laugh! Chasing a Clomid 50 Mg Buy Uk who glided among the sea-grass. Ending my swim holding onto the wooden algae-covered ladder looking at the little tiny baby strippedCialis Online Brand Name who I could not believe could be so small and all of the little beautiful hermit crabs with every variety and shape of shell with their colorful spider-like legs.

August 28: Yesterday I took a drive out to Buy Zovirax Cream For Genital Herpes (see my video review below). What I don’t want to forget is the excitement I felt driving through the mangrove swampland; so wild and untamed and how on the way back I just had to stop because I was so overwhelmed with the beauty of God’s world. Of course the thrill of seeing an alligator gliding along in the water next to the road once back in some semblance of civilization (was on paved road by that point). I had not swum at Secret Beach instead drove straight to Ak’Bol on my return to go for a refreshing swim and to get the road dust off of me. When I plunged into the water off of the ladder I was stunned to see a very large Diovan Buy right in front of me! He/she was about 2.5 x 3 ft and covered in algae and had several remora of all different varieties and colors hanging on to it. In my excitement, I made the mistake of immediately trying to swim down to it which send him flying off to quickly vanish in the blue murkiness of deeper water! Why did I do that?!

After my lovely swim, I lay in a lounge chair looking out to sea as the Sun began to make her exit for the day. Two brown pelicans came in to view and my eye was caught by the fact that they were flying in tandem! Following each other’s every movement; soaring banking against the wind, circling, going higher, gliding then finally both plunging toward the sea, beaks pointed down, wings drawn in. They made very little splash as they entered the water. The larger of the two came up with a fish but his partner had to duck his/her head under again to come up with a fish. Since pelicans do not have sexual dimorphism and because they only mate for a season and even then only nest together, I had no idea if what I was witnessing was a male-female couple, just two friends or something else entirely but I enjoyed imagining a romance where they enjoyed the ariel ballet of a tandem flight followed by a tasty seafood dinner!

My Review of “Secret Beach” (not so secret)

August 30: The smell of burning trash, which will forever transport me to my childhood visits to Jamaica, roused me from my sleep this morning in time to greet the dawn. Because I had not smelled this pungent smell before from inside my house I got up to investigate. Stepping out on my front porch I was met with the sight of a water-color landscape, the sea like glass reflecting the most gentle hues of blue and rose pink! It seemed all about me was stillness until I became aware of the rustling and scurrying in the bushes of the animals waking up. Birds were singing and twittering to one another and gliding past heading south as if they had to be in town early to open shops. As I took the stairs onto the beach and out to the sea wall crabs scurried away and a large grey iguana ducked back into his hole. I stepped along the concrete wall to sit on one of the pale yellow wooden lounge chairs and as I did I saw two slow-moving hermit crabs in beautiful shells clinging to the edge of the wall that ran perpendicular to the shoreline. I tried the chair closest to me with my hand and found it dewy so I squatted on it to regard the lightening dawn. For some reason, early mornings in the Caribbean always make me think, this must be what the first mornings on earth were like. In too short a time the mosquitos found me easily on this windless morning and ruined my peace (as they always do!) so I quit the shore and hurried back to the safety of my elevated dry porch. From here I watched what I assume was a mating dance between two small birds. One would advance a bit and the other back up then they circled and repeated the process each time getting only incrementally closer to one another. The dance seemed interminable and as the tension (for me grew) I suggested audibly that they “get it over with” but I don’t think they heard me because when I finally went back inside they were still hopping and popping around.

September 7: I will not soon forget the amazing times I had SCUBA diving, both my training and pleasure dives. I’ve compiled some highlights in the below video. If you wish to see more vids check them out on my YouTube Channel Ciprofloxacin Wechselwirkungen Pille Online

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Introduction:

This experiential session draws on somatic coaching techniques: utilizing theory and practice from Ashtanga Yoga, neuroleadership, cognitive psychology, and leadership best practices to help participants learn how to fully embody their leadership presence and catalyze their followership.

Objectives:

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  • Develop deep self-awareness and increase emotional intelligence by accessing the intelligence of the mind/body system
  • Learn somatic practices you can use for your continued leadership development and the development of others.

Additional benefits of participating in this session include learning methodology and tools to:

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What is Embodied Leadership?

To be an embodied leader means your ability to lead comes from deep inside you. It also means literally staying fully connected to your body and centered on your core values and truest self even during times of pressure.

According to Pete Hamill, author of Embodied Leadership (2013), “The concept of embodied leadership, derived from somatic coaching, brings the body forward as an advocate in creating a place for change and transformation.” And, “Embodied learning is a level of learning where you can learn to do something differently, consistently and when under pressure.”

Embodied leadership is the optimal leadership presence. It combines power and strength with flexibility and ambition with humility. It increases your ability to be influential, flexible (adaptable) and resilient.

The Connection Between Emotional Intelligence, Brain & Body

Emotional Intelligence:

A simple and familiar framework from which we can understand the importance of being an embodied leader is the concept of emotional intelligence. Emotional Intelligence (EQ) is the ability to understand one’s own state of mind and one’s capabilities, to manage oneself to respond constructively to situations and to engage successfully with other people.  Emotional Intelligence is not necessarily about what to do, but HOW to do it.

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Would you believe that over the past 9+ years I have had hundreds of successful coaching relationships with people I have never laid eyes on? To be honest, I don’t know what 95% of them look like! Incidentally, I have also been coached successfully by a woman living in Australia that I also never saw!

Now before you go thinking I do some sort of work in the spiritual world let me explain. The clients and coach I mention are quite real. We just never met face to face.

While I have worked effectively with many people in my various roles of Cialis 5 Mg Canada Pharmacy, Do I Need A Prescription For Flagyl and Actos Procesales En El Proceso Civil Venezolano over the telephone and in more recent years via some form of video chat, i.e. Zoom, Skype, Facetime, many potential clients balk at the idea of not conducting coaching and therapy sessions in a face-to-face environment.  

While I understand the assumptions behind people’s bias toward in-person sessions, research does not support this thinking. I worry that some people may be missing out on the many benefits of coaching and or therapy by limiting their options to face-to-face relationships. I’m writing this article for those folks.

Please consider the following top five advantages of virtual coaching and therapy and the supporting data before engaging an executive coach, success coach or therapist.

According to Kimsey-House et al. in the book Co-Active Coaching, “An effective coaching environment is safe enough for clients to take the risks they need to take and two, it is a courageous place where clients are able to approach their lives and the choices they make with motivation, curiosity and creativity.” Data suggests that this environment can be achieved with ease via telephone and video chat.   

Top 5 Advantages of Virtual Coaching and Therapy

I. Cost: Without travel and office overhead, many practitioners (myself included) are able to charge lower fees for virtual coaching and therapy. Clients also save money by not having to travel.

II. No Time and Distance Barriers: When choosing coaches and therapists most people look for someone in their area but when engaging in virtual practices clients have a wider range of practitioners from which to choose. It is also convenient for those who travel because appointments can be kept no matter where the client is. The hours for appointments are also usually more flexible. For example, I will see a client after regular working hours virtually but not in person. Additionally, it may be easier for clients to meet virtually during their lunch hours, whereas that would be impossible if meeting face to face. 

III. Comfort: Clients appreciate having sessions in the comfort of their own homes or offices. Without the burden of appearances, they usually choose to sit somewhere quiet and comfortable and to dress comfortably (something they usually can’t do in an office setting).

IV. Modeling: For leaders and others who work in an increasingly virtual world, virtual coaching and therapy provide an additional benefit of modeling great virtual conversations. 

V. Diverse Group Sessions: Clients who participate in group coaching sessions may be energized by working with people from diverse locations, backgrounds and cultures. Virtual coaching allows coaches to bring together people who might not normally work together, and who have the potential to create unique and impactful experiences through their distinct ideas and perspectives.

The Data

The research literature has acknowledged telephone coaching as a way of enabling coaching on-demand, providing access to expertise, serving geographically dispersed individuals, reducing cost (Frazee, 2008) and promoting follow through and accountability (Charbonneau, 2002). In addition to recognizing these benefits, clients’ and coaches’ personal experiences with telephone coaching have been positive.

According to the International Coach Federation (2019), a study found “no difference in the reported level of problem resolution for face-to-face and distance clients.”  The strength of the working alliance was found to be significant for problem resolution in distance coaching, and “coaches self-reported strong levels of working alliance in both conditions (face-to-face and distance).”

Another study (Day & Schneider, 2002) compared selected process and outcome variables across three modes of psychotherapy: face-to-face, real-time video conference, and 2-way audio (analogous to telephone). This study found very little difference in outcome and in some cases advantages to distance modalities. In fact, the major difference they found could be construed as favorable to the distance modes: “Statistics indicate that Client Participation scores were higher when clients were not facing to face with their therapists.” (Day & Schneider, 2002)

Please don’t get me wrong. I still very much enjoy in-person coaching and the hybrid of coaching/therapy that I offer and when a client is not comfortable with virtual coaching and I want to work with them I meet with them face to face, but I don’t want people to miss out on the value of coaching and therapy by not availing themselves of virtual modes.

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