The Benefits of Unplugging (from WHUR 89.3 FM)

DO YOU EVER TOTALLY UNPLUG FROM SOCIAL MEDIA & TECHNOLOGY??

Check out this discussion I had with Harold T. Fisher, host of The Daily Drum on WHUR 96.3 and Meico Marquette Whitlock of the Mindful Techie about the benefits of unplugging on the eve of the National Day of Unplugging and please share your thoughts on unplugging (or not).

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How to Build Resilience in Our Youth

Cost Of Zestoretic By: Nicole Cutts, Ph.D.

Remarks Presented: March 6, 2018 at the 2018 Links at the Legislature, A day at the Maryland State House in Annapolis, MD Advocating for Policy to Improve the Health and Education of Children

with Montina Anderson & Monique Walker Anderson, Co-Chairs, 2018 “Links at The Legislature”

http://bluffcreektri.com/?medz=Avete-Mai-Comprato-Cialis-Online&7e7=0f Introduction:

Some of the myriad challenges facing young people today are not new and have been experienced by adults of all generations but, many of these challenges are, in fact, new. The world has changed in an unprecedented way for young people, perhaps resulting in more isolation and existential angst than many adults today can identify with. In many ways the advancement of technology has increased the pace of life and, as a result, it has been harder for young people of today to mature and achieve social equilibrium and economic success.

While I will touch on many of these challenges the focus of my talk today is on how to build psychological resilience in our youth from both the standpoint of communities and individuals, by focusing on the keys to resilience.

I will present:

  1. Challenges facing young people today
  2. Definitions of resilience
  3. Keys to enhancing resilience, and
  4. How adults and youth themselves can help build resilience so young people can overcome any challenges they face today and for the rest of their lives.

http://prohealthplans.ca/?llt=Cheapest-Prices-For-Viagra-Online&859=a6 I. The Challenges

Some of the pressures facing youth today include:

  1. Getting a good education in the face of declining quality of education, educational disparity, the competition and cost of getting into good colleges and universities.
  2. Balancing school, extracurricular activities and sports (especially when athletes are trying to get scholarships)
  3. The prevalence of medicines and alcohol and the rates of abuse of said substances.
  4. Gaining good employment and affordable housing in a shifting economy.
  5. Family problems like divorce of parents, splitting time between two households and being raised in single parent households.
  6. Obesity issues and the health consequences as well as body image pressures
  7. Racism, sexism and other forms of bigotry
  8. Pressures of 24-hour social networking and being online too much
  9. Violence in the world and schools in particular including bullying
  10. Growing up too fast including being sexually active and pressure to be.
  11. Pressures of materialism
  12. Erosion of National Pride and Identity, political strife
  13. Erosion of morality in society (bad leadership)

Paxil Online Canada II. Definitions of Resilience

Levitra Mit Paypal Bezahlen A. Resilience (General):

Resilience (derived from the Latin resilire) means to spring back or rebound.

Merriam-Webster (2018) defines resilience as http://jeannie-ology.com/?fvn=Canadian-Pharmacy-Viagra-Generic&45c=a0 1 Discount Viagra Paypalthe capability of a strained body to recover its size and shape after deformation caused especially by compressive stress, and  click here 2 http://sharlhosting.com/?aa=Ordering-Cialis-Online-Safely&4b5=e0an ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change.

The English Oxford Dictionary (2018) defines resilience as “The capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness.”

Resilient (it’s adjective form) is defined as 1) (of a person or animal) able to withstand or recover quickly from difficult conditions and 2) (of a substance or object) able to recoil or spring back into shape after bending, stretching, or being compressed.

enter B. Community Resilience:

How each community conceptualizes and defines resilience matters because this will inform how you assess and then enhance your community’s resilience both before and after a crisis.

There are myriad definitions of community resilience. The one I perhaps like the most comes from Lesley Chenoweth and Daniela Stehlik’s (2001) article “Building resilient communities: Social work practice in Rural Queensland” and is “The ability to respond to crises in ways that strengthen community bonds, resources, and the community’s capacity to cope.”

Dr. Ann Masten (2014b), who has studied homeless families and young survivors of war and other severe adversities, defines resilience as “the capacity of a dynamic system to adapt successfully.”

As you can see from the definitions above, when applied to human beings, the term resilience implies what happens after a trauma or stressor.

Today I am going to discuss what can be done both before and in the midst of stress and or trauma to enhance the inborn resilience of youth.

III. Keys to Enhancing Resilience

A. Community Resilience

According to a report by the Post Carbon Institute (Lerch, 2015) there are six foundations that are essential to community resilience-building.  These foundations support building community resilience, rather than achieving resilience as a fixed goal, so as to emphasize resilience building as an ongoing process.

The six foundations are:

  1. People. The power to envision the future of the community and build its resilience resides with community members.
  2. Systems thinking. Systems thinking is essential for understanding the complex, interrelated crises now unfolding and what they mean for our similarly complex communities.
  3.  Adaptability. A community that adapts to change is resilient. But because communities and the challenges we face are dynamic, adaptation is an ongoing process.
  4. Transformability. Some challenges are so big that it’s not possible for the community to simply adapt; fundamental, transformative changes may be necessary.
  5. Sustainability. Community resilience is not sustainable if it serves only us, and only now; it needs to work for other communities, future generations, and the ecosystems on which we all depend.
  6. Courage. As individuals and as a community, we need courage to confront challenging issues and take responsibility for our collective future.

B. Individual Resilience

Some research has shown that resilience is ordinary, not extraordinary and that people commonly demonstrate resilience, but recent research may have debunked this long-held belief. Regardless, we know that resilience in human beings exists and research has been able to isolate factors that enhance it (which I will discuss in the next section).

According to the American Psychological Association “Resilience [in individuals] is not a trait that people either have or do not have. It involves behaviors, thoughts and actions that can be learned and developed in anyone.” (APA, 2018)

Keys to Building Individual Psychological Resilience:

There are several key factors that enhance the resilience of human beings.

Below I’ve named several factors:

1) Children Need Caregivers. One or more loving parent, guardian or caregiver increases children’s resilience. One way children experience love is through what David Richo (2001) calls the Five A’s. When we are children we need to receive this type of love from our parents in order to feel secure and to have the freedom to develop an identity separate from our parents.

1. Attention Notice, listen, focus and really engage with your child. Notice and hear words, feelings, experiences. Think about how your words and actions affect your son or daughter. (When we give someone this type of attention, they feel respected, understood and that they really matter to you.)

2. Acceptance Demonstrate in your words and actions that you approve of the person your child is, their unique personality traits, their values, their choices, their lifestyle. Acceptance means appreciating differences without judgment. (Acceptance leads to self-confidence and a sense of security).

3. Appreciation Express gratitude on a daily basis for who your child is and things they do. Say “thank you” for the individual qualities that you cherish, admire, or that make a difference in your daily interactions.

4. Affection Affection refers not just to physical closeness, but also feeling close to someone through conversation, gestures, and presence. Affection can be expressed through daily hugs, kisses, cuddles, thoughtful gestures, kind words and smiles.

5. Allowing Allowing means letting your son or daughter be themselves. It means giving them the freedom to do things in their own way [even to fail]. It means we don’t try to control or manipulate a person to make them what we want them to be or to do things the way we want them done. Of course, allowing doesn’t mean we accept behaviors that are truly dangerous or harmful to our child or others. Children need loving but firm boundaries. (Allowing increases a child’s self-esteem because it demonstrates confidence in them and their abilities)

2) Social Connections. Good relationships with close family members, friends or others are important. Accepting help and support from those who love you and will care for you strengthens resilience. Being active in civic groups, faith-based organizations, or other local groups provides social support. Assisting others in their time of need can also benefit the helper by building his or her self-esteem.

3) Optimism (a generally positive outlook on life). Staying positive and keeping fear and worry at bay helps people to maintain a hopeful outlook on life. This ability helps us reframe potentially negative events in a more positive or useful context. Model this optimism for your children.

4) Faith. Many people are made more resilient by the presence of faith, religion and spirituality in their lives. The practice of religion or spirituality often offers people support (previously mentioned as an important resilience factor) and this community can help with reclaiming hope after a trauma or setback. Expose your children to a faith that encompasses the Five A’s. Let them see your faith in action.

5) Keeping things in perspective. Taking a long-term perspective on life can help one to see that everything is temporary. Knowing that good periods as well as bad periods will pass allows one to avoid blowing all of life’s events (even disaster) out of proportion. Again, the best approach is to model this for your children, don’t just tell them, show them.

6) Positive Concept of Problems. Humans can’t change the fact that failures, disasters and other highly stressful events occur, but we can change how we interpret and thus respond to these events. It’s easy for our brains to create negative narratives around difficult events so purposely creating positive and even neutral story lines may take work but this will improve ones overall mental health and enhance resilience. EXAMPLE: I encourage my clients to envision their lives as hero/heroine quests and to conceptualize challenges as necessary “trials” and ordeals as “dragons” to be slain. Both are necessary for the ultimate victory of the hero or heroine. If your child is creating negative narratives around a stressful event ASK them if there could possibly be any other interpretation.

7) Let Your Children Fail! German philosopher, Friedrich Nietzsche said “That which does not kill us, makes us stronger.” And he is correct. Psychologist, Martin Seligman has discovered a phenomenon he calls Post Traumatic Growth (PTG). PTG refers to any beneficial change resulting from a major life crisis or traumatic event. People most commonly experience this from a positive shift, having a renewed appreciation for life and adopting a new world view with new possibilities for themselves; feeling more personal strength; and feeling more satisfied spiritually. Keep in mind that failure alone does not always lead to increased resilience but it’s more likely to when combined with the key resilience factors named above and below. Again, it’s best to model these perspectives and lead your children to them by asking questions about how they feel and what they wish to do verses telling them how to be.

8) Having a Purpose! Having a purpose not only gives your life meaning but it can actually increase psychological well-being and help to inoculate you against despair or hopelessness. Having a purpose also helps you to frame crisis differently and increases your power. Model your purpose for your children and ask them questions about their life’s purpose and meaning. Additionally, taking action about a stressful event builds resilience. Ask young people what they can do about things like gun violence, inequality and political strife and facilitate action on their part.

9) Acceptance of change (as a normal part of life). Resistance to change brings more suffering and depletes the power and energy of the sufferer. Accepting circumstances that cannot be changed can help you focus on circumstances that you can alter. Frame change as normal and model a positive reaction to it.

10) Taking care of yourself. Take care of your physical health and general wellbeing and encourage and facilitate your children to do the same. Show them that hard work is necessary and so is rest and self-care.

11) Saying an Unconditional YES to Life! Acceptance of life exactly as it is leads to lower stress levels. Acceptance of powerlessness over stressful situations builds resilience. Model this for your children. Start off by embracing these five unavoidable givens in life.

Learn these Five Things We Cannot Change (If you don’t already know them).

From David Richo’s (2005) book The Five Things We Cannot Change and the Happiness We Find by Embracing Them he says,

“There are five unavoidable givens, five immutable facts of life built into the very nature of things, over which we are powerless:

  1. Everything changes and ends.
  2. Things do not always go according to plan.
  3. Life is not always fair.
  4. Pain is part of life.
  5. People are not loving and loyal all the time.

Too often we behave as if somehow these givens aren’t always in effect or are not applicable to all of us. But when we oppose these five basic truths we resist reality, and life becomes an endless series of disappointments, frustrations, and sorrows. Once we learn to accept and embrace these fundamental facts, however, we come to realize that they are exactly what we need to gain courage, compassion, and wisdom — in short, to find real happiness.”  (Richo, 2005)

How to Teach/Coach Resilience (specific methods and tools)

Before a Traumatic Event or Disaster

In addition to the above factors, Martin Seligman’s (2011) PERMA model of psychological well- being may also be useful when teaching and modeling for your children prior to any trauma or stressors. PERMA is an acronym for positive emotion, engagement, relationships, meaning, and accomplishment—the building blocks of resilience and growth:

Positive emotions – feeling good

Engagement – being completely absorbed in activities

Relationships – being authentically connected to others

Meaning – purposeful existence

Achievement – a sense of accomplishment and success

After a Failure, Set Back or Traumatic Event

The goal of therapeutic interventions after a traumatic event or failure are usually focused on getting the person affected back to “normal.” But pioneering psychologist Martin Seligman has been helping people, especially soldiers to “grow” from trauma.

In August 2008 the Comprehensive Soldier Fitness (CSF) training was established by then-Chief of Staff of the United States Army, Gen. George W. Casey, Jr., in an effort to address the challenges being faced due to multiple deployments required by persistent conflicts in Iraq and Afghanistan. Instead of focusing only on treatment after the issues arose, Casey wanted to also provide preventative measures to the soldiers, their families and Army civilians to make them stronger on the front end. CSF Resilience Training was created to give these individuals the life skills needed to better cope with adversity and bounce back stronger from these challenges.

Martin Seligman devised the Resilience Training component of the CSF.  Through years of research (to include his discovery of learned helplessness) he found that, “How human beings react to extreme adversity is normally distributed. On one end are the people who fall apart into PTSD, depression, and even suicide. In the middle are most people, who at first react with symptoms of depression and anxiety but within a month or so are, by physical and psychological measures, back where they were before the trauma. That is resilience. On the other end are people who show post-traumatic growth. They, too, first experience depression and anxiety, often exhibiting full-blown PTSD, but within a year they are better off than they were before the trauma. These are the people of whom Friedrich Nietzsche said, “That which does not kill us makes us stronger.” (2011)

Seligman (2011) told General Casey that the army could shift its distribution toward the growth end by teaching psychological skills to stop the downward spiral that often follows adversity. He ordered the organization to measure resilience and teach positive psychology to create a force as fit psychologically as it is physically.

The CSF Resilience Training’s mandatory module, on post-traumatic growth (Tedeschi & McNally, 2011) is based on “the ancient wisdom that personal transformation comes from a renewed appreciation of being alive, enhanced personal strength, acting on new possibilities, improved relationships, or spiritual deepening. The module interactively teaches soldiers about five elements known to contribute to post-traumatic growth:

  1. Understanding the response to failure or trauma, which includes shattered beliefs about the self, others, and the future. This is a normal response, not a symptom of PTSD or a character defect.
  2. Reducing anxiety through techniques for controlling intrusive thoughts and images.
  3. Engaging in constructive self-disclosure. Bottling up trauma can lead to a worsening of physical and psychological symptoms, so soldiers are encouraged to tell their stories.
  4. Creating a narrative in which the failure is seen as a fork in the road that enhances the appreciation of paradox—loss and gain, grief and gratitude, vulnerability and strength. The narrative specifies what personal strengths were called upon, how some relationships improved, how spiritual life strengthened, how life itself was better appreciated, or what new doors opened.
  5. Articulating life principles. These encompass new ways to be altruistic, crafting a new identity, and taking seriously the idea of the Greek hero who returns from Hades to tell the world an important truth about how to live.” (Seligman, 2011)

Building Mental Toughness ABCDE Model of Emotional Disturbance

Albert Ellis’s ABCDE Model of Emotional Disturbance (Ellis & Dryden, 1987) is often used in different resilience programs and is particularly useful in breaking down a given adversity and seeing how it’s our beliefs about what happened that are causing us to feel a certain way, not the event itself.

This model allows for a greater level of awareness about our own reactions and subsequently a more adjusted and healthy response to adversity.

Albert Ellis developed an ABCDE format to teach people how their beliefs cause their emotional and behavioral responses: ‘A’ stands for activating event or adversity. ‘B’ refers to one’s irrational belief about ‘A.’ That belief then leads to ‘C,’ the emotional and behavioral consequences. ‘D’ stands for disputes or arguments against irrational beliefs. ‘E’ stands for new effect, or the new, more effective emotions and behaviors that result from more reasonable thinking about the original event.

Let’s take a look at an example explaining the ABCDE model:

  1. Activating event – You fail a test or don’t get into the school of your choice.
  2. Belief about the event – You believe, “I’m a failure. I will never be successful.”
  3. Emotional or behavioral response – You feel depressed and stop trying to do better in school.
  4. Disputation – You realize that you are not a failure because you failed one test or any one thing. So, you realize that you being a failure may not be true nor is it true that you will never get succeed.
  5. New effect/emotions and behaviors – You feel disappointment and sadness but have hope and begin the process of rebuilding your educational vision and creating a strategy for yourself to succeed.

Other Treatment Modalities to Consider:

Logotherapy*

Logotherapy is a term derived from “logos,” a Greek word that translates as “meaning,” and therapy, which is defined as treatment of a condition, illness, or maladjustment. Developed by Viktor Frankl, the theory is founded on the belief that human nature is motivated by the search for a life purpose; logotherapy is the pursuit of that meaning for one’s life. Frankl’s theories were heavily influenced by his personal experiences of suffering and loss in Nazi concentration camps.

Finding Meaning with Logotherapy

Logotherapy is based on the premise that humans are driven to find a sense of meaning and purpose in life. According to Frankl, life’s meaning can be discovered in three different ways:

  1. By creating a work or accomplishing some task
  2. By experiencing something fully or loving somebody
  3. By the attitude that one adopts toward unavoidable suffering

Frankl believed that suffering is a part of life, and that man’s ultimate freedom is his ability to choose how to respond to any set of given circumstances, even the most painful ones. Additionally, people can find meaning in their lives by identifying the unique roles that only they can fulfill. For example, when a man consulted with Frankl due to severe depression following the death of his wife, Frankl asked him to consider what would have happened if he had died first and his wife had been forced to mourn his death. The man was able to recognize that his own suffering spared his wife from having that experience, which served as a curative factor and helped relieve his depression.

* Good Therapy.org

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#metoo? What do We Need to Learn & to Teach our Girls & Boys?

What do we need to teach young people (girls & boys) as well as men and women so we can reduce crimes such as Larry Nassar’s as well as sexual harassment in the workplace and beyond? Can we teach boys and girls in a way that reduces this sort of predation?? (Click pic to view video from 1/24/18 on #OffScripton9 WUSA Channel 9, Wash., DC)

What are your thoughts on the above? As women what can we do differently to reduce instances of sexual harassment? Is there any correlation between harassment and owning our personal power (Read Power! Do You Fear it or Embrace It?)? What, if anything can we teach our girls and boys to reduce the numbers of people who have to say “me too”?

If you want to participate in this discussion please join me during my upcoming Facebook Live Event: Claim Your Power! starting Wed. Feb. 7th from 7:30-8:00 pm EST.

In the meantime, please post your comments here or on my Vision Quest Retreats with Dr. Nicole Cutts FB page.

I look forward to your thoughts!

Nicole

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Are Americans Suffering from Compassion Fatigue??

Click image to view Video (Jan 24, 2018 WUSA Channel 9 Washington, DC)

Why Americans May Be Desensitized to Gun Violence

Over Saturation: Constant exposure to violence on the news, tv, movies and video games

Denial: to stay sane we employ delusions such as “this can’t happen to me or in my community” Also aided by a belief in a “just world” that says if we are “good” and “behave” ourselves then harm will not befall us (this can also lead to victim blame).

Bystander Effect: When many people are there to witness a crime, atrocity or violent act we believe that “someone else” will step in to help or take action so we stand by idly and watch.

Compassion Fatigue: Constant exposure to trauma leaves us inured to it’s effects on our psyche and heart.

Learned Helplessness: We feel hopeless because we have tried to take action or witnessed others doing it and see no effect.

Is there an answer? Yes! Don’t give in to any of the above. Take action, get involved! There are myriad ways to help: sign petitions, write your representatives, march, protest, donate money to causes that support peace and/or an end to gun violence.

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How to Love Your “Job” & Live Your Vision of Success Part VI

Segment Title: #Dancebreak: Learn to Celebrate Your Success (#6 out of a 6 series FB Live Event. STAY TUNED for more EVENTS)

 

Click on the pic to watch the sixth installment of our FB Live Event on Vision Quest Retreats with Dr. Nicole Cutts Facebook page. Post comments and questions directly to video and I will reply!

Why #Dancebreaks?

The road to realizing your Vision of Success can be a long and arduous one. It’s not enough to have a vision and goals: you need a clear plan with a timeline. You also need to chart your progress, take breaks, care for your health and reward small successes as well as large. All of the above serves to keep you motivated and staves off burnout. I’ve found #dancebreaks to be both rewarding and fun! They get me up, get my blood flowing and increase my creativity. In the above vid I discuss the importance of breaks, rewards, self care and invite you to dance with me!

You May Want to Try This…

Plan breaks into your schedule. Plan frequent breaks, especially when you’re under a lot of pressure. Your brain needs time to digest and process information; moreover, breaks relieve stress and help sustain motivation. They also provide a transition period when switching tasks. The guideline for breaks is about ten minutes per hour of work. So if you plan to work for two hours you can schedule a 20 minute break after this and before your next task.  Consider something that would be fun and could recharge you like a walk, some stretching or my favorite a short #DANCEBREAK!

Wishing you all the best on your heroine’s quest to achieve your Visions of Success!

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How to Love Your “Job” & Live Your Vision of Success Part V

Segment Title: The Top 3 Reasons Why We Fail (#5 out of a 6 series FB Live Event. Next Date: 1/17/18)

Click on the pic to watch the fifth installment of my FB Live Event on Vision Quest Retreats with Dr. Nicole Cutts Facebook page. Post comments and questions directly to video and I will reply!

In Act II: Initiation, of the hero’s journey or heroine’s quest the hero or heroine faces The Road of Trials (Campbell, 1949) and The Ordeal (Vogler, 2007).  When you are on the heroine’s quest to living your Vision of Success you too will face many obstacles. Just consider these obstacles, trials and ordeals a.k.a. dragons to slay, a normal part of The Quest. Many of these challenges, like the top three reasons why we fail, are internally generated and controlled. In this post I expand on the top three reasons why we fail discussed in the above video. Also like many of these challenges these reasons are NOT real! They are like boogie men who only exist when we give them power. These dragons or challenges are; 1) lack of belief, 2) lack of conviction and 3) lack of self-discipline. Because you must clearly see and know your nemesis in order to defeat it, I will shine the light on these boogie men and give you some tips on how to defeat them. (You may also want to read “How to Write Your Own Heroine’s Quest“)

I. Lack Belief:

Intelligence and talent are not what separates successful women from unsuccessful ones. The major difference is that successful women believe in themselves! We believe that we can accomplish the goals we set ourselves. Successful women also believe in their ability to overcome the challenges that will most definitely come their way. This strong belief in the capacity to overcome obstacles encourages us to seize opportunities that seem initially too big to tackle.  Nothing will work for you if you are not absolutely convinced of it.

How do you overcome lack of belief? It’s like asking how do I develop faith? You just have to do it: believe! Who better to explain this than Master Yoda from Star Wars? Check out these scenes between Yoda and Luke:

“The human brain is a powerful problem-solving and prediction making machine, and it operates via a multitude of feedback loops. What matters most in the feedback loop dynamic is input — what goes into the loop that begins the analysis-evaluation-action process, which ultimately results in an outcome. Here’s the kicker: if your input shuttle for achieving a goal lacks the critical, emotionally relevant component of belief, then the feedback loop is drained of octane from the start. Another way to say that is — why would you expect a convincingly successful outcome when you haven’t convinced yourself that it’s possible?” (DiSalvo, 2012. Forbes Magazine)

II. Lack of Conviction

Your conviction will fuel you to keep searching for a solution to your challenges until you finally achieve your goals.

Women who lack conviction will go along to get along because they lack courage and self-confidence. These women don’t want to disrupt the status quo. This is scary to many, so they often compromise and conform in order to be popular or accepted, even when they know that what they are doing is wrong.

“…the notion of disrupting anything–of being the water that breaks the rock–is scary to most of us. Reason being, disruption is perceived as a threat to our threat-sensitive brains. Disruption means that consistency, stability and certainty might get jettisoned for a time, and that puts our hard-wired internal defense system on high alert. Sometimes, though, you have to override the alarms and move ahead anyway. If you never do, you’ll never know what could happen.” (DiSalvo)

Example of “The Ordeal” THE WIZ LIVE! — Pictured: Mary J Blige as Evillene — (Photo by: Virginia Sherwood/NBC)

The Ordeal: This notion of conviction being scary tracks closely with the stage of the heroine’s/hero’s journey that Christopher Vogler calls “The Ordeal.” According to Vogler “The hero stands in the deepest chamber of the inmost cave and faces a direct confrontation with [her] greatest fear.”

No matter what the heroine thinks she came for, it’s Death that now stares back at her. She is brought to the brink of death in a battle with dark forces.

“The ordeal in myth signifies the death of the ego. The hero has soared above death and now sees the connectedness of all things.” (Petersen, 2017)

How do you overcome lack of conviction? Decide what is important to you and don’t ever compromise your values. If something is worth doing, it’s worth doing well. Try to choose work that you have passion for because this passion will fuel your work when the going gets tough. Even if you have not found your passion or achieved your Vision of Success yet, do your work with love and passion. Let this passion show even when the road gets hard and a task seems mundane. Kahlil Gibran tells us what it is to “work with love” in his poem, “On Work.”

“When you work you are a flute through whose heart the whispering of the hours turns to music.
Which of you would be a reed, dumb and silent, when all else sings together in unison?

Always you have been told that work is a curse and labour a misfortune.
But I say to you that when you work you fulfil a part of earth’s furthest dream, assigned to you when that dream was born,
And in keeping yourself with labour you are in truth loving life,
And to love life through labour is to be intimate with life’s inmost secret.”

III. Lack of Self-Discipline:

Any successful woman who has accomplished anything worthwhile has never done it without discipline. Discipline means staying focused and requires sacrifice and self-control to avoid temptations and distractions.

Discipline is not an excuse for perfectionism. It does not mean going beyond your limits. As a matter of fact, it means acknowledging and respecting your limitations. Beware an idealized vision of success. Achieving your Vision of Success or succeeding at one goal won’t eliminate all your problems, and bring complete happiness and fulfillment.

Self-Discipline

If you lack self-discipline, you are likely to give up too quickly when problems arise. A lack of discipline makes you susceptible to short-term temptations that lead you astray from your mission. Undisciplined women see no reason in making sacrifices today in order to achieve their Vision tomorrow.

When you’re disciplined it is easier to avoid distractions. You can stay focused on your goals, make temporary sacrifices, suffer and abstain from temptations. You will be able to see these temptations and distractions as what they truly are: Obstacles on the journey to living your Vision of Success.

Self-discipline also encompasses your ability to persevere (persist) and to make and carry out plans, which I will discuss further on.

How to overcome lack of self-discipline? The good news is that discipline CAN be developed. Some do not develop self-discipline due to laziness and a lack of inner strength or conviction.

According to Steve Mueller (2016), you can work on developing and increasing your self-discipline gradually. He says, “You can develop more self-discipline for instance by:

  1. Increasing your stress tolerance levels.
  2. Meditating.
  3. Removing distractions.
  4. Breaking bad habits.
  5. Postponing unbeneficial behaviors.
  6. Making plans and rewarding yourself for accomplishing your goals.
  7. Tolerating a higher level of emotional discomfort.
  8. Exercising regularly.”

If you need some help with this, check out 14 Ways to Improve Your Self-Discipline at Success magazine.

III A: Lack Perseverance (Persistence)

More women fail, not because they lack intelligence or talent, but because they just quit. Women who succeed do not give up. On the heroine’s quest you will be knocked down many times. You will face failure, rejection and fatigue. You may face illness, haters, broken hearts and losing those that you love. Remember these things represent dark forces tempting you to give up! (See “Letting go of Habits, Haters & Hubris”) It’s important to remember two words: persistence and resistance. Persist in what you must do and resist those things that distract or are bad for you.

Perseverance

Perseverance does not mean beating your head against a brick wall! Persistence is important, but you also have to recognize when you need to course correct and learn from mistakes. No one else can tell you when it is time to give up or change course. You have to be in tune with yourself to know this.

Looking for help more help with perseverance? Learn more about these 7 Tips from Success magazine

  1. Ignore everyone else.
  2. Become your own biggest supporter.
  3. Stop and appreciate the little things.
  4. Focus on the next step.
  5. Throw your watch out the window.
  6. Stop looking for a way out.
  7. Acknowledge your limitations.

III B: Lack of Planning

Napoleon Hill said “A goal is a dream with a deadline.” Having self-discipline means taking the time to make a plan and then persistently sticking to it. You can’t just dream it. Many women and men have failed because of lack of planning. The plan does not need to be perfect but data shows that having a plan increases the likelihood of achieving one’s goals.

Once you have clarified your Vision of Success, written it down and visualized it you must define your goals. Next, outline a concrete plan with steps to achieving your goals and your overall Vision of Success.  Consider breaking your plan down into 5-year goals, 1-year goals, 6 months, 3 months and 1- month achievements. After completing this plan, you can do weekly goals that will put you on schedule to complete all of the other milestones. Be realistic here so you don’t get discouraged. If you don’t have a proper plan, you are less likely to succeed in life. Without a clear plan, you’re apt to waste a lot of time and perhaps never achieve your goals.

The Ultimate Boon!

My father often quote, “Heights by great men (and woman) reached and kept were not obtained by sudden flight but, while their companions slept, they were toiling upward in the night.” (Henry Wadsworth Longfellow). That means stick to your plan. Review your progress, make adjustments but keep moving forward. It also speaks to discipline and sacrifice.

If you need tips on making and sticking to a plan check out “End Procrastination NOW: Creating a plan and sticking to it”

All of the above may seem daunting or sound like a lot of hard work. That’s because it is! Embarking on the heroine’s quest to pursue your Vision of Success is NOT for the faint of heart. But, when you are doing work you love, your passion fuels all that you do: making it a bit easier, more fun and turns your live into an exciting adventure!

Wishing you all the best on your heroine’s quest to achieve your Visions of Success!

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How to Love Your “Job” & Live Your Vision of Success Part IV

Segment Title: End Procrastination NOW: Creating a plan and sticking to it (#4 out of a 6 series FB Live Event. Next Date: 1/10/18)

Click on the pic to watch the fourth installment of my FB Live Event on Vision Quest Retreats with Dr. Nicole Cutts Facebook page. Post comments and questions directly to video and I will reply!

On the heroine’s quest to living your vision of success you will face many obstacles a.k.a. dragons to slay. In this video I discuss fear of success, fear of failure and procrastination and give you some suggestions on how to deal with them.

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Did you find this useful? Please Share!

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How to Love Your “Job” & Live Your Vision of Success Part III

Segment Title: Letting go of Habits, Haters & Hubris (#3 out of a 6 series FB Live Event. Next Date: 1/3/18)

Click on the pic to watch the third installment of my FB Live Event on Vision Quest Retreats with Dr. Nicole Cutts Facebook page. Post comments and questions directly to video and I will reply!

On the heroine’s quest to living your vision of success you will face many obstacles a.k.a. dragons to slay. In this video I discuss three categories or species of dragons; Habits, Haters and Hubris, and give you some suggestions on how to deal with them.

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Happy New Year! Winter, Beach Writing Retreat

I hope you enjoy these images of my solo Winter writing retreat to Rehoboth Beach, Delaware. I’m planning an upcoming Vision Quest Retreat here to the Bellmoor Inn & Spa. Be sure to Join my mailing list at Vision Quest Retreats to learn more about this and other fabulous retreats and events for women living their visions of success!

Happy New Year Success Coaching Exercise to try:

1) Take some quiet time to reflect on the past year. Journal about it; make a list of highlights and gains (this can be on any level). Make a list of losses. Take some time to feel the feelings that go with all of the above. Make note of  what you learned from these experiences.

2) Look at your goals from last year and assess how you did (remember to be compassionate with yourself) noticing where you might have been unrealistic and where you could have done more.

3) Make a list of what you want to focus on and/or manifest this year. This can include your goals and/or may be the behaviors and thoughts you want to continue from last year.

4) On a separate piece of paper make a list of things you want to or are ready to let go of. Get rid of the paper and the contents. You may want to put it in your G*ddess/God box, burn, bury or flush this list with a prayer to help you to release them (keeping the environment in mind).

5) Create an action plan with a timeline to address what you want to accomplish in the New Year.

If you would like some help taking the action plan further feel free to drop me a line or check out Success Coaching

Happy New Year and Much Continued Success & Well Being,

Nicole

P.S. If you are a woman pursuing your Vision on the Heroine’s Quest join our tribe and attend some Facebook Live events at the Vision Quest Retreats face book page

If you are a Woman Business Owner come play with us every Wed. at Women Owned Business Wednesdaysa 24 Hr Happy Hour where you meet cool people and win cool stuff!

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How to Love Your “Job” & Live Your Vision of Success Part II

Segment Title: What’s Your Vision of Success? (#2 out of a 6 series FB Live Event. Next Date: 12/27/17)

Click on the pic to watch the second installment of my FB Live Event on Vision Quest Retreats with Dr. Nicole Cutts Facebook page. Post comments and questions directly to video and I will reply!

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