(from travel journal dated 9.4.10 8:15 PM)
Since my last entry the weather and my productivity has improved steadily each day. Three days ago on Friday when I awoke the sun was out. I got up put on music, opened my doors to the fresh sea breeze, took the wet soggy towels away from the door that had been keeping the rain out, took a cold shower, put gel in my hair and packed up my computer bag to head to breakfast. Before I could even get out the door the clouds returned and it started to rain AGAIN! This is how it was. At first we just had periods with no rain then we got a little sun but rain too and then finally today no rain at all.
My internal weather systems have also been very mutable. I have battled boredom, fear, self doubt, and loneliness off and on over the four days that have passed since my last entry. Through all of these various battles, some decidedly bigger than others, I did manage to work on Book II (of the Adventures of Isabelle).
By Sunday afternoon the sun was shining strongly. Ironically this is also the day that my psychic battles reached a fever pitch. I was miserable; restless and discontent, there was no way out. I felt like Buddha facing the seven Maras from my cliff-side only there was only one Mara and that one was me. I came face to face with myself and the
seemingly immutable truth that my desire to avoid suffering actually causes more suffering. No form of escape has ever truly satisfied me, although I have kept trying, but yesterday I felt like I had really come to the end of the line. When you are in paradise and you still want to change how you feel as a way to escape suffering that’s when you realize there is no escape. This might seem like bad news but I think accepting this is so much more peaceful than running.
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