Do “Bitches” Get Ahead in Business?
First off let me be clear. When I say “bitch” I am referring to Mean Girls, (not women who set boundaries and get what they need.) I ask this question because I have had a few too many encounters with women lately who seem unwilling to support one another (unless they are making money for it) and seem to be doing ok or quite well in their businesses. My belief is that when you are stingy and witholding of support and act from a place of competition and scarcity that you ultimately will not succeed, but am I wrong?
Does being a “nice guy” mean you will be taken for a fool? I’m thinking of my father who was a physician, an OBGYN in fact, who was the kindest most generous hardworking man I have ever known. He worked a lot and really cared about his patients and their families. I never recall him refusing service to anyone because they could not pay. Sometimes these were even women who had received medical treatment, had bounced checks, had failed to pay him and came back for more. He would try to set boundaries but always decided in the end that he would rather let the money go and just treat the patient.
A part of me is like my pop. I try to help people where I can and am not too focused on getting paid for every little thing I do. I like to help people and can’t be bothered to think how to “monetize” this all the time. It just feels wrong. In terms of my success this has not seemed to hurt me because I do not want for anything, but there is something that I notice that I do not like. Some women that I have dealt with in business and a few too many recently, frankly seem to try and take advantage of this to create exploitative relationships. I recently had a woman who basically asked me to not post any information on her Facebook wall because I was not a member of her group (you have to pay to belong to her group so they then support you), turn around about three months later and ask me to promote her conference on my group’s Facebook wall! I thought this was kind of ballsy of her after telling me to stay off her wall unless I paid her, but in keeping with my values of sharing and non-retaliation I told her to feel free to post the information on the wall during our online networking event. She told me she would be “busy” and suggested again that I do it as “it would look better coming from the leader” of my group. I’m sure it would, but this is when I really started to think that my being a “nice guy” was leading her to take me for a fool as she basically was asking me to endorse her event. I have recently concluded that being a nice guy ceases to be about that when you do not set proper boundaries and allow people to take advantage of you.
See, here is a part of my problem. I sometimes feel bad when I set boundaries that I should. In short I feel like I’m being a “bitch” when I say “no” to someone who is trying to take advantage, clearly does not have good intentions or is unkind in some way. I also know that feeling like a bitch is sometimes a bi-product of setting boundaries when what you have really been doing is people pleasing. My challenge is learning how to keep acting from a place of love and abundance without being a doormat or swinging in the other direction and becoming a mean, stingy, competitive person.
Women Owned Business Wednesdays and Vision Quest Retreats both have a “NO MEAN GIRLS POLICY” for a reason. I would rather have good quality, kind, loving women in my circle that truly believe in abundance and sharing and who do not seek to get ahead by taking advantage of others. I’m going to stick with this and keep working on remaining open and loving AND setting healthy boundaries!
I would love to hear your experience with this. Have you had similar experiences? If so how do you handle them and what have you learned?
Much continued success & well being,
Nicole a.k.a. The Success Doc, Founder Vision Quest Retreats & Women Owned Business Wednesdays
P.S. I’m sorry if the word “bitch” offends you…see there I go again trying to people please!!