This morning I took a moment to say my prayers (which I do not do religiously) and I said a very short prayer that I came up with when I started this Vision Quest back in about 2000. It goes…”Thanks for waking me up this morning and thanks for my life EXACTLY as it is.” (My friend Eileen helped me with that last part.) I always put some extra stress on “exactly” to make it unconditional. I am not only attempting to accept all my circumstances but to bless them and be grateful for them. Many times I have uttered this prayer through clenched teeth or with a sarcastic tone in my voice. I would do it anyway.
This morning, however saying this brought me back to a realization. I lack humility. So often I am demanding things from G*d, from life, from my circumstances. This demanding is accompanied by a belief about what I should have or what I deserve. This is not humility. This morning for a fleeting moment I was in touch with humility and surrender. I could feel what it would be like to just be grateful for what I have and to give myself completely over to a Higher Power, to be lead, rather than to push and pull and rail. It felt peaceful and really good in that moment.
What does any of this have to do with living my Vision? Well I think it is very related. In my last post I talked about “success” and I think that a part of success is feeling good about where you are. I also suspect that success is related, not to pushing and pulling and struggle, but to humility and surrender and allowing ourselves to be guided by something bigger and more important than ourselves. More will be revealed.
(first posted 5.22.09)