Bring me back something

Nicole

Thank you for breaking down the steps to take to reach our vision of success. They are very practical and doable. The subsequent coaching exercises were also very useful. The gratitude letter to God in particular is a wonderful idea that I will try. Also, rewarding ourselves when we’ve accomplished a goal is something I forget to do. I’m grateful you reminded me to give myself breaks and allow myself to celebrate small accomplishments as much as big ones. I find that if I haven’t accomplished all my tasks or goals, that I’m off track. In reality, I’m in process, and need to positively affirm myself by giving myself rewards. I think the rewards would act as a way to reinvigorate my enthusiasm for my goal, and help keep me motivated and positive.

In fact, I’m going to reward myself right now, by leaving my desk and walking outside. Thank you again for your helpful insight!

Andrea Ikenson

My most immature is Joy. She is my most trained and patterned self, diligent at being a good girl, taking care of other people, and making sweetness and light. She is wonderful, but not fully backboned. She is lovely, but had no edge. Joy is also blind to herself — when she is in action, it’s training at work, not a true personality.

My most rebellious is Jo. She dropped the “y” from Joy and grabbed the power that came from that nakedness. Her goal is not to make a ruckus, but she’s not above it, if required. She knows what she wants, and she knows how to get it. She is accomplished and intense. She is provocative. Her prime goal is self-satisfaction — whatever venue or form that requires.

My most centered is Joey. Opting for balance between sweetness and spice, she is the most emotionally advanced of my selves. When I am at my best, she is there — arbitrating Joy and Jo, combining the best elements of both with a wisdom neither possesses. She is who I count on when the chips are down, not to fight any battle, but to sagely assess and address. Joey is genuinely generous, gratefully gracious, politely proud, and effortlessly energetic. She is the ideal me.

And my final self is nameless. She’s my spirit-self, the part of me that is outside of me, on a different plane, ethereal. She is who I am when I pray, when I drop deeply into meditation, when I lose myself in a run, when I’m between that place of wakefulness and sleep. She is the voice in my gut and my connection with God. She is the part of me that’s part of eternity and the universe.

I’ve come to love all of them. What’s more I know I need all of them, at different times, in different places. And as long as I’m careful not to let Joy or Jo drive all the time, I don’t mind if they give some direction from the back seat or zip me around the block now and again. For the long haul, I’ll count on Joey and my nameless self…and look forward to discovering who else we might meet along the way.

However….when I have not felt like I have been doing the righteous work necessary to achieve, when I have felt weak, afraid and uncertain….I have bowed down to fear….remained prostrate and allowed it to devour me.

What I have learned is that the show down with fear, at least for me, is less about the fear and so much more about where I am at mentally, emotionally and spiritually. And that understanding has led me to try to build up my intangible fortitude on a daily basis…it is a battle that I intend to win!

Karima

While summer visits to my grandmother were marked with her constant urging of being ladylike, demure, quiet, study the bible. My mother on the other had harkened us to not let men intimidate us and to use your smarts to get ahead (i.e. get a degree). Needless to say, I had conflicting admonishments and ended up choosing my father’s advice, which I passed on to my children (son and daughters)

Growing up I was not allowed to call boys as I was admonished that men should pursue women. Is that why we women get antsy when a man does not call? We have come a long way in some areas but there is definitely room for improvement. There still remains the stigma of an unmarried woman living her Vision of Success as being absurd but if she is married the same coin surfaces. Heaven forbid she have children, then they are seen as neglected of motherly love.

Our expanded choices for “modern” women have affected our ability to live our Visions fully because doors that once were closed are now being fully opened, while some are barely open. But the expectations tied to gender roles have not really changed that much because the majority of women with children (single or married) are responsible for child rearing and maintaining the house.

I think that success comes in many forms based on the individual and their goals. We eventually must be true to ourselves as that is the person we look at each morning in the mirror. Society’s view of us comes and goes, but our own self-perception is key to living our Vision.

Regards,
Phyllis Wilson
Author, Consultant, Radio Personality & Keynote Speaker
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“Always remember the talk we had where you said you wanted to be free and discover the world. How you wanted to simply pack your bag, swipe your credit card and off you go! Well, with hard work and sacrifice you can have what everyone can – if that’s the choice you make. There is nothing wrong with having a boyfriend, or husband, or any career that you choose. But at this point in your life you have to put your dreams, desires and achievements on the front burner of your priority list. After all, this is your choice and your life and you have to be, have to be, happy with it.”

You do good work. I just don’t think that we do enough for our young women relative to preparing them for the world of work and living a full life without the “pressure” of having to be married. Yes, (we) all want our daughters to find a good mate and be happy, but that doesn’t mean they should plan this as a way of life of dependency. We want them to make good choices, for them, and “choose” to be involved or choose the real life they want to live. Once we do that for them, or give them permission and encouragement to do so, they grow and live happier and self-esteem grows!